How I Spent My Summer Vacation by Stacy Conradt
5.7.09 | Author: stacy
...Or my Fourth of July long weekend, anyway. Boating? No. BBQing? Nay. Setting off fireworks? Not even. This is how I have spent the last three days:

First there was this:


Then there was this. Please note the two bottles of wine on the counter and the small, curious dog in the doorway.



If you look in the background on the landing in the next one, you can see the piss-yellow linoleum that used to cover the kitchen floor as well. Literally piss-colored. If one of the dogs peed on the floor, you wouldn't know until you stepped in it because it blended right in. Underneath the nasty linoleum was another layer of linoleum that was supposed to look like faux marble, but it wasn't fooling anyone. Underneath that was a layer of subfloor, and underneath that was a layer of black glue/tarpaper-y stuff which we have spent the past week scraping up off of the floor. My fingers are still sore from being bent in the scraping position for like eight hours at a time, so please forgive any typos.


This one was taken from the other direction - looking into the breakfast nook from the dining room. That thing that sort of looks like a stationary bicycle is actually a giant floor sander.


The floor of the breakfast nook, sanded (mostly) and pretty!! Oooh. Suddenly the back-breaking hours spent hunched over the floor breathing into a hot dust mask seem worth it. Seriously, I am now intimate with every square inch of my kitchen floor now, and not for fun reasons.




My quarantined husband. It looks like Outbreak or something, doesn't it? And I would like you to know that I didn't just leave him in there to do the kitchen himself. I promise I was in there sanding and scraping and sweeping and injuring myself too.

That big gob of tape you see at thet bottom is my pathetic patch-job... one of our dogs (the small, curious one) could no longer stand that we were doing something in the kitchen without him and barreled right through the plastic.


I tried to convince him that laying on the couch and napping was seriously a lot more fun than what we were doing in the kitchen, but he wouldn't believe me until he saw it for himself. [shakes head] Kids.

"But Stacy," you're saying. "If that's your kitchen, where is your refrigerator? Where are all of your utensils, where's your toaster, your cookie jars, the booze you keep on top of the fridge, the glass jars of flour and cocoa and sugar?" Oh, I have an answer for you:



Obviously, it's all in the dining room. I'm not going to lie, sitting at the table and reaching over about 12 inches to grab something out of the fridge is sort of convenient. But, I think you'll agree, slightly out of place. It still needs two coats of polyurethane but here it is: stained and pretty floor!




Stained and pretty husband!

The best part is, as far as house-remodel stuff goes, this was dirt cheap. It was $100 to rent the floor sander for the day, including the sandpaper and accessories. And we probably spent $40-$50 on sandpaper for the small sanders we already have so I could get in the little side spots along the wall that the big floor sander couldn't get. We bought stain and polyurethane for like $35, but we're taking that back today because we found some leftover from when we did the bathroom and it was more than enough to cover the kitchen. So, for $150 and a LOT of time and effort - new kitchen floor!! :D

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Pictures from the Des Moines Art Fest
29.6.09 | Author: stacy
You might be surprised to hear it, but we have a really good Art Fest here in Des Moines. And it's not just my midwestern bias talking here - it's consistently rated in the top art shows in the U.S. In terms of sales, it was ranked 7th out of 300 shows, so artists probably like to come here too. Sure they do - with all of the companies headquartered here, some of them are bound to buy some big pieces for the corporate offices. I think my brother-in-law has pieces at Principal and at Pella Windows.

Us little people like to browse around too, though. I sadly couldn't afford most of the stuff I wanted, but we did buy a blockprint from Kreg Yinst. It was between Yellow Submarine and A Day in the Life but ultimately the sub won out because he made less of those. I *really* wanted the one you'll see in the pictures below - it was a compilation made of every song from Sgt. Pepper in a frame that he made himself. Alas, it was $750, and I do not have a spare $750 sitting around at the moment. Or ever. So I contented myself with this little guy and will dream about the day I can walk into art festivals and point at things I like without even asking the price and then have my assistant pay and ship it back to my house while I continue walking around the festival unencumbered by bags. Or something.



Here were some other pieces I enjoyed. I don't pretend to be an art critic; I can only tell you what I liked. And I'm very sorry that I didn't get this first artist's information.
Suzy Scarborough's stuff was gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous... and HUGE. She's from South Carolina.
This is Tick Tock by Eric Ober from Houston.


I didn't see until after the fact that I wasn't supposed to take pictures of Rick Abrams' work, but it was so colorful and whimsical and quirky that I couldn't bring myself to delete the picture. And believe me, I couldn't replicate this if I tried. My pictures don't do it justice... and if you check out his website, his range is pretty impressive. You would think a guy who does such pop art-y stuff is limited in what he can do, but he's all over the place.











Can you tell I'm drawn to bright colors and things with a sense of humor? And sadly, I didn't get this artist's information either. I am a terrible person.




The one below is by Dennis Heimback of Middleton, Wisconsin.





I loved Tiffany Ownbey's work. It kind of made me think of stuff you would find in the background of a Marilyn Manson video. It's quietly creepy.


Viviana Bonanomi from San Francisco (below) was doing some really interesting things with crocheting long strips of paper.




The metal guy is by Chris Seeman from Cincinnati, who also had some very sophisticated pieces in his booth.




Keith Grace - Being a writer, I'm a total sucker for when artists use newsprint and typography.


The next two are both by Kina Crow, who had some hilarious stuff. The one below says something to the effect of, "even though we're far apart, i still smell it when you fart."


"She knew he was a bad boy... but she loved him anyway."


Joe DeCamillis had a lot of 3-D mixed media where he repurposed books into statements about traveling across America. I want to know how he got the edges of his books to stack so smoothly together... he had coated them with something. Plaster? But they retained some of the texture that a stack of pages has.




And here's the big Sgt. Pepper piece I wanted to buy from Kreg. Again, my photography sucks. But you get the idea. Awesomeness.


So that's my Art Fest Experience. Hopefully I'm rich by this time next year so I can experience that point-and-purchase thing I was talking about next year. Also, I'll need a bigger house for all of these things I'm going to buy. Because right now, those sculptures are totally going to overpower my yard. On the plus side, they will probably let more sun through than our tree does. Things to think about...

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Crop Circles = High Wallabies? REALLY?
26.6.09 | Author: stacy
Apparently they eat poppies, get high, and wander around in circles repeatedly squishing down crops. If this was dated April 1, I would totally call it an April Fool's joke.
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Fact: raccoons like marshmallows
18.6.09 | Author: stacy
Raccoons. Marshmallows. Battlestar Galactica.

I know, it doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it? Anyway. We’ve had raccoons living in our roof since at least last summer. They peeled back the flashing and got in there somehow. Paul thought he had the problem fixed, but they’re back this year. When he took the dogs out Friday night, he looked up and saw those flashy animal eyes (you know what I’m talking about) peering down at him and said it was rather creepy.

We saw them in broad daylight on Sunday morning – it’s a mama and three babies. I don’t know if it had been the babies’ first night out hunting or if they fell off the roof or what, but there were two of them down on the ground and one of them up on the roof. The kits were too little to get back up on the roof themselves, so the mama was down on the ground trying to help them. The one up on the roof was freaking out because everyone else was down on the ground and he was trying really hard to get down to them – at one point he was hanging off of our gutter by one paw! It was amazing. And the whole time the babies were making these cooing noises; they kind of sounded like pigeons. The mama finally climbed our magnolia tree to get to the one on the roof and dragged him off back to their hidey-hole in our roof. Maybe I am anthropomorphizing too much, but I swear she had this attitude like, “Look, I told you to stay put. If you can’t follow instructions, I’m putting you back to bed.” It was a very no-nonsense kind of a thing. So she got him tucked away and went back to the ones on the ground. They managed to shinny their way up the fence and run along the top of it, but one of them didn’t quite have his balance so she picked him up too. They disappeared over into the neighbors’ yard and that’s the last we saw of them. Did I mention my dogs were going freaking nuts this entire time? We have windows along that whole side of the house and the fence happens to be about two feet in front of them.

Paul had been staying that if he saw the raccoon he was just going to go out there and kill it. Apparently he has no issues doing such a thing and once heroically fought off a rabid woodchuck as a kid. Or something. You’d have to ask him about it. Growing up out in the country must have been pretty interesting.Anyway, once he saw there were babies involved (they were SO CUTE), he was no longer so confident in his raccoon assassination abilities. We broke down and called a pest control place. For the BARGAIN BASEMENT PRICE of $450 (UGH), they came and set humane traps at our house. Once the critters are caught, they will be released out at Saylorville Lake and the pest people will screen up the area the coons were living in to make sure nothing else gets back in there.



Which brings me to my fascinating fact of the day: apparently raccoons like marshmallows, because that is what the pest people are using as bait in each one. I did a little research and apparently they especially love wet marshmallows. They also adore sardines, but cats aren’t attracted to the scent of gelatinous blobs like they are attracted to the odor of oily fish, so it lessens the likelihood of catching the neighbor’s Persian.

We were really expecting to find raccoons in one of the traps this morning, but nothing yet. If we get one of the babies I might just sneak it into the house and see if Paul notices. We already have three four-legged creatures ruling our roost… surely one more won’t really make a difference :)
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Hey guys, what do you say we try to get into the Attic tonight with our fake IDs?
9.6.09 | Author: stacy
And then we can film a workout-inspired music video and all freak out when we realize that one of us has been abusing caffeine pills and is so excited, so excited, so... scared.

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Quote of the Day
4.6.09 | Author: stacy
“She's making a sacrifice because she loves her kids. Eating that tarantula like she had to is an act of love. It's a sign that this is a mother who loves her children.”
- Rod Blagojevich
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The MONTH in Review: April 23-May 31
1.6.09 | Author: stacy
I suck, OK, I totally suck. In fact, I only had three posts for all of May. I chalk it up to the trips I took and the training I was doing (see my Dam run post below), but it's still a little sad.

Mental Floss


Neatorama

Five Familiar Actresses in a Different Light. Jessica Tandy used to be a BABE! Actually, all of these ladies were. Angela Lansbury (pictured) was a hottie, too. I think it's good to remember that these actresses weren't always playing grandmotherly types, and the longevity of their careers is pretty inspiring.
Movie Trivia: Clue. Can someone tell me why I don't own this on DVD? As soon as it comes out on Blu-Ray, I'm on it.
The Real-Life Tenenbaums: Three Famous Families. I think I would like to be a member of the Day-Lewis clan. Do you think they take applications?
The Hindenberg: What Happened? We still don't know why it went kablooey, but there are a few theories.
Five New York City Riots. Written because it was the anniversary of one of the riots, not because I like to highlight violence in NYC. Promise.
Movie Trivia: Ocean's Eleven. Clooney, not Sinatra.
The Top Four Deadliest Volcanoes Ever. The picture of the girl caught in the rubble is probably one of the most heartbreaking things you'll ever see. I linked to it in the story instead of embedding it, because I know people don't go to Neatorama to get depressed. But I have goosebumps just THINKING about that picture.
The Many Sides of Shel Silverstein. Good writer, great illustrator, creative genius... not-so-great dad :( We can't all be everything.
Four Really Fast Runners. Because I had running on the brain.
Six Roller Coaster Records. And now I have the urge to go to an amusement park.
Five Other Remembrance Days Across the World. In honor of Memorial Day.
Four Celebs Who Belong to Mensa (and two who don't). I had James Woods on the list because of sources said he was. But a representative from Mensa actually wrote Alex and said that they have no record of Mr. Woods' membership. What say you, James Woods? And will James Woods High School change their name in light of Mensagate?
Movie Trivia: Mary Poppins. Aw, one of my favorites. I get warm fuzzies watching this movie. Enjoy the trivia!

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My Dam Run
31.5.09 | Author: stacy
I ran Dam to Dam yesterday! For those of you who aren't familiar with Des Moines, Dam to Dam is an annual run that goes from Saylorville Lake north of town to downtown Des Moines (dams in both locations... go figure). It ends up being 12.42 miles. It's kind of a big deal around these parts, especially this year, because it was the 30th anniversary. And it was kind of a big deal for me, because it was my first time running it. And it was my second official long run ever (the first one shouldn't even count it went so badly). So I rolled out of bed at 4:45 a.m. Saturday morning, when most sane people are still curled up in their cozy comforters dreaming about Brandon Flowers (maybe that's just specific to me) and sort of kind of brushed my teeth - I don't really do anything well at 4:45 in the morning - and picked out the flavors of GU that I thought would be most likely to not wind up in a regurgitated splatter on the pavement. Those would be Lemon-Lime, Orange Vanilla and Espresso Love, for those of you keeping track. We were just about ready to leave the house when I noticed that I had an alarming new vent in my pants running from crotch to mid-thigh. Where the hell did that come from, and how long have I been running in them like that?! Luckily, it was along the seam so I was able to stitch it up real quick. I bet not many of you were up at 5:15 a.m. on Saturday doing a little sewing. I have to say I'm jealous.

After that minor crisis, we headed for another one: NO COFFEE PLACES WERE OPEN. At this
point it was after 5:30, and not one damn gas station was open so I could grab a cup of coffee! Starbucks wasn't even open, and they're supposed to open at 5:30! I was not a happy camper for two reasons - 1., I wanted that cup of coffee for the burst of energy it gives you before a run. Studies have
shown that it's really helpful. 2., I'm a major addict and was pretty sure my massive, blinding, lack-of-caffeine headache would take me out of the race by the half-mile marker if I didn't ingest something caffeinated. I. Was. Cranky. And Starbucks, I am PISSED at you. Not pissed enough to not get a java chip frap after the race yesterday, but pissed nonetheless.

Anyway, I had no choice but to get on the bus to take me out to Saylorville without my cup o' joe. The bus ride was kind of excruciating, because as it takes you further and further away from downtown Des Moines, you can't help but think, "I have to RUN all of this?" Downtown passes by, I-80 passes by, Johnston passes by, suddenly you're in the country, and you realize that you're going to have to run back through all of it. Kind of daunting. But then you get to Saylorville and the crowd of people all gathered for the same cause - to murder their knees and provoke exercise-induced asthma - kind of makes you forget all of the running.
It's just cool that there were more than 7,000 people all willing - all excited, even - to suffer through the same thing. That's them in the first picture, waiting to use to the kybos.

So the race started at 7:00 sharp, but I didn't cross the start mat until 7:05 and some change. They very wisely group you by your predicted finish time, so people with yellow bibs are the super fast competitors and are grouped at the front; people with green are quick runners grouped in the middle; people with blue are average runners grouped near the back, etc. I was a Blue. I will probably always be a Blue. The picture on the above right is what the starting line looks like from the perspective of a Blue.

So, here's a brief synopsis of how the run went:
Mile 1: Just barely across the dam. Body: "That was awesome! 11 more of these, are you kidding? Piece of cake!" Brain: "You have no idea what you're talking about. Just STFU and keep moving, please."

Mile 2: Body: "I'm awesome!!!!" Brain: "I SAID SHUT IT."

Mile 3: Body: "Did she say 33:something minutes? Minus my five since I didn't actually start until 7:05, that's like 9:30 miles! Go me!!" Brain: "Yeah, just do this three more times and we're good to go." Body: "...did you say THREE more times?"

Mile 6: Crossing I-80, which is the picture above. At this point I was still under 10-minute miles. Maybe that's not great for some people, but for me to sustain an under-10 for six miles is really good. Brain: "YES!!! We are doing great!!" Body: "I'm not so sure about that..."

Mile 7: Brain: "Hey! Civilization!" Body: "Is civilization going to help us finish this race?"
Brain: "...No?" Body: [groans]

Mile 8: Body: "WTF IS THAT HILL." Brain: "You run steeper hills than this all of the time. Just keep plugging away and you'll make it." Body: "I run steeper hills than this TWO MILES into our run, not EIGHT. Fuck it, we're walking it."

Mile 9: Brain: "It's so nice that all of these people showed up to cheer us on!" Body: "ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE CAN DIE."

Mile 10: Brain: "Two more miles!! That's nothing!" Body: "Technically it's 2.42 miles. I'm not stupid. And I'm no longer speaking to you."

Mile 11: Brain: "OK, quit your bitching. Here's some GU to get you through the last little bit." Body: "Mmm, espresso!! This is the best-tasting GU I've ever had! Or perhaps I'm just delirious!" Also, I got Mardi Gras beads at mile 11. And I didn't even have to show my boobs. No one would have wanted to see my boobs at that point anyway.

Mile 11.42: We got little cups of champagne to celebrate the "One Mile To Go!" mark. My body and my brain had stopped speaking to one another at this point.

Mile 12: Brain: This is 12? We have .42 to go? Why does the finish line seem so far away? Are you SURE it's less than half a mile away? There are a lot of people standing here, I guess we must be close, but it seems a lot farther away than that..." Body: "LET'S DO THIS!!!"

Mile 12.41: Body: "Did they move the finish line? I think it was closer a minute ago." Brain: "JUST GO!"

Mile 12.43: Brain: "Ooh! Shiny!" Body: "Ow."


So, that was my race.
I finished in about 2:13, which was a couple of minutes faster than my goal. I was shooting for 2:15. Next year I want to try to get in under two hours. I'm not a great runner - I'm never going to finish in the top three or the top 10 or even place in my age group. But for a girl who has never been athletic and has always been a little (a lot) self-conscious about her weight, finishing Dam to Dam under goal is a pretty proud achievement. And it turns out maybe I am a little bit athletic... just not in team sports :)

Speaking of weight, here's what I ate with no guilt whatsoever after my run yesterday:

  • 1 bottle of ice blue Gatorade
  • Half of a brick-sized Rice Krispie treat from Trader Joe's
  • A tall java chip frap from Starbucks. Not light (no whip, though)
  • A piece of chocolate bundt cake
  • French fries
  • Shrimp
  • Scallops
  • Cheddar Bay Biscuits (yes... we had a Red Lobster gift card. What can I say?)
  • Half of a cherry Icee
  • A garden salad
It would have been more, but I opted for a nap between about 12:30 and 3:00 which cut into my eating time. :)

Ooh, one more thing: the LUSH Wiccy Magic Muscles Massage Bar has been my hero the past two days. It is some good shit. It's got aduki beans that feel good on your skin when you rub it over sore muscles, and the bar itself has cinnamon and peppermint that sinks into your skin to soothe the aches. It's the reason I'm not walking like John Wayne after a three-day horse ride today. It's kind of like upscale Icy-Hot, and it moisturizes, too. SO GOOD. Pricey, but definitely worth it.
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My Reading List Got Detoured
12.5.09 | Author: stacy
As you can see below, I was supposed to start reading On the Road when I finished The Secret of Lost Things. Instead I got sidetracked by this:


So typical. :) After reading the first couple of chapters, I'm starting to think all classics should be re-worked into zombie books.

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Randomness
7.5.09 | Author: stacy
Reading: Next on the List: Just Finished:




Listening to: Watching: Just Bought:






Can't Wait For:



















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